I sought the wisdom of the East,
the temple on the hill,
for days I walked to reach its peak,
by sheer force of will.
They left me waiting at the gate,
no food or drink that day.
I figured it must be a test
to prove my worth to stay.
On day two, they pelted me,
with rocks from in the yard,
endurance is the key to faith,
to wait although it’s hard.
‘He’s still there?’ I heard one ask.
‘Yeah, he won’t fuck off,
I pelted him with all the rocks
we kept inside the trough’
‘Bring him in, we’ll have some fun
and feed him guru crap
and teach him that his western ways
are just a honey trap’
And so they took me in that day
and told me I should rest,
because that on tomorrow’s dawn,
I will begin my test.
At half past four, they woke me up,
an air horn in my ear
and put piranhas in my pants,
my lesson not so clear.
And so I pulled the buggers off
and asked them ‘What the Hell?’
‘A lesson in humility
of which you passed so well’
Next I walked upon hot coals
that blistered aching feet,
‘Stay out of the kitchen if
you cannot stand the heat’
Then barefoot, I walked upon
the rocky mountain pass,
squatted on a red hot spike,
its tip stuck up my ass.
Trousers down and legs apart
and stood like sat on saddle,
and in came two young laughing girls,
with each bestowed a paddle.
‘Endurance is your test today,
to see if loser falls’
a girl in front and one behind
played ping-pong with my balls.
Bruised and battered and fatigued,
I settled down to dinner,
they filled me up with rice and beans,
the food of a beginner.
They made me sleep upon my front
and spread my ass cheeks wide,
matches holding them apart,
such pain, I could have cried.
But it just got worse from there,
the flame was just the start,
to burn the gas that I parped out,
each time I dared to fart.
It burnt the hairs upon my balls
and all across my ass.
The test had been the beans I ate
that filled me up with gas.
Thankful when the morning came,
I groaned through lack of sleep
and when they dragged me from me bed,
I wanted just to weep.
They took my clothes and tied me to
a chair that sat outside.
As women danced seductively
that made me grin so wide.
Rubbing honey on my cock,
they made me feel alive,
until I saw the bee keeper
who brought an angry hive.
He used my cock to break its crust
and left it in my lap,
before he grinned and raised his hand
and gave the hive a slap.
I howled and thrust to no avail
and begged them ‘Please no more,
I think I’ve had enough of tests
that hurt and leave me sore’
So they quickly hosed me off,
to rid me of the bees
and cut the ropes that bound me there
and dropped me to my knees.
‘Fritz san, that was your last test,
to know you’ve had enough,
you could have said that on day one,
it seems you like it rough.
Now go back to the world of man
and live with lessons learned
and seek the life you’re looking for,
the gift that you have earned’
And so they saw me off that day,
a humbled, wiser man,
enlightened to a wiser world
to teach the things I can.
They kept my wallet and my keys,
to help me not be tempted by
the western honey trap.
Strange, I found my car was gone,
my house was stripped to bare,
my bank account was empty when
I checked for travel fare.
But they’d warned before I’d left,
that fate would show a sign
that I should lead a simple life,
those wise men so benign.
…Hang on… you don’t think…